the flannel epidemic

This is my friend John. He has a problem and needs our help. See that hipster behind him? He is the problem. John has been representing the strange-bearded, odd-colored flannel look for many moons.(Moons is my fancy way of saying years).

Many of you may be aware that it has become hip to wear flannel. I imagine, along with tight jeans and the resurgence of fish sticks that kanye west had something to do with it, but I cannot prove it... yet. So, the issue is that john can no longer wear flannel without looking like the guy behind him.

If you have a friend who recently started wearing flannel, please have an intervention. And if that doesn't work, bust into their bedrooms and burn their flannel shirts. If not for the sake of fashion, do it for john because the only shirts he owns are flannel and plain white tees. He can't wear the flannel because he doesn't want to look like a hipster and he can't wear the white tees because he always spills stuff on them. Thank you in advance for your help.

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Crack Friday: The Ultimate Hallmark Holiday

I’d rather spend the extra money to avoid being grouped with these people. Perhaps that’s why I can never get ahead (because I’m not saving money on black Friday)—but I’d rather be behind than in that line. You can’t even leave the house and it’s unfair to us normal people that have off on that Friday. We have a natural fear of being trampled or manhandled by some old woman wielding a purse, or worse, a woman from Clarence with a pocket full of credit cards swinging her high heels searching for that last cheap net book. 

It's become a tradition to get up at 4AM stand in a long line and shop all day. Or worse, get to Target the night before and camp out. Put that into perspective. These stores, with all of their power and commercials and sales have turned half of the culture into Trekkies.

Get rolled on by people who are smarter than you. These marketing execs know what they are doing and believe me, in the long run we are all losing. You are spending more than you would have in the first place because you saved sooooo much. You think that Best Buy is you best friend because they gave such great deal, so you keep going back and giving them your business all year. They know the deal and get worked. When the sheep walk out smiling, they are counting their dough.

Catch me on the couch on crack Friday, then subsequently, enjoying Thanksgiving part 2 at the in-laws. Hey, don't even get me started on the irony that we celebrate the atomic elbow white people dropped on the Native American's... then the day directly after we all bask in the capitalistic wet dream we have created. What a mess.

Da Byrds

Creepy scene outside of my mothers which featured an obscene amount of screeching birds. Seemed like some territorial beef. I heard it was over a scuff on a pair of sneakers.

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F.B.

I have gone to Sabres games for years and sustained myself on swill, plugging my nose (while it was pointing upwards) and drinking Labbatt Blue. But those days are over. Near section 318, there is a Flying Bison cart. Yeah, a Flying Bison cart ---------------------------->

The Sabres lost. Downie is bush league--it was like the return of Matthew Barnaby, without him being on our team. The officiating was a joke. But they had Flying Bison at section 318. Ryan Stewart totally knew the fastest rout to get there and I will show others the fastest rout when I go to games as this is just as important as...Christmas to our culture. Spread the word. Before you know it, there may be two Flying Bison stands and we can all rejoice and not walk so far if you are on the other side of the building. I'd rather be fat and lazy and have a cart near wherever I am sitting, although, as the attendant at the cart put it, "You're better off taking the walk, you can work the beer off."