Winter's Tone; or some movies that I liked from 2010

All day long, betwixt conversations with slime ball attorneys, I have been compiling a list of movies from this year that I really liked and all genres are represented well. It was a pretty good year. While writing this, my list has a bunch of titles, and I can't think of many comedies that absolutely killed me. So my weird, senseless list will start there:

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work was excellent. You forget what a genius that lady is because she is kind of a joke due to all of her face lifts. But, she broke a crap ton of ground and is still going and hope I get a chance to catch her stand up. Get him to the Greek was okay. In the past few years, from roughly the same camp of actors, we've had Role Models, Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up and Pineapple Express -- to name a few -- and, although its very funny, the Greek doesn't reach the same status. Easy A was solid as well. I love Emma Stone. She is the new, less goofy Anna Farris. The Kids are Alright was alright. Good performances, and Mark Ruffalo always makes me wish I was cooler than I am. Monsters? It's even better when you find out it cost a minuscule 500k to make (and that's a high estimate). Buried may have been the biggest surprise to me. I'm not a fan of Ryan Reynolds, however, he is so good in this, and the pace is so intense, that I can deal with his face. 127 Hours was just as claustrophobic, but far more believable. This is perhaps the best we've seen James Franco yet. Danny Boyle is like puff Daddy: can't stop, won't stop. Scott Pilgrim can be placed in the same category as Kick Ass as an anti-comic book, comic book movie, but more for its quirky counter-pop-culture, post-punk, video game speed and wit. A couple of foreign flavors that I saw this year and really liked were The White Ribbon and The Secret in their Eyes. Those may have both been from 2009, however. I still need to see Black Swan and Blue Valentine and possibly The Kings Speech. 

My top movies of the year.

1. Winters Bone was my favorite this year and, like the Animal Kingdom, is the story of a teen stuck dealing with a situation a child should even be involved in. It's a back country Noir where people's faces are defined by life (see the photo to the left) and scary to look at. Remind me to never live in a small town in the Ozarks. I would never last.


2. Close with a Winters Bone at the top for me was Un Prophet. I've never been made to feel so helpless as the main character was early in the movie. It's suffocating. And you really think to yourself, "WTF would I do in this situation?" The whole thing is tense and it's what would happen if all of the characters from Goodfellas went to jail.


3. The (mock?) Documentary Exit Through the Gift Shop is a much needed introduction to the work/world of Banksy. I'd never heard of him before this and I love this movie. It's funny and interesting and the fact that it's probably fake makes it even better.


4. Animal Kingdom was intense. This kid got the shaft and was forced into living with a group of sociopaths led by the creepiest mother of all time (she totally mouth kisses her sons). Perhaps the best way to sum this movie up is the adjective my friend Renee used to describe it: frightening.

5. Kick Ass was great. A super hero movie about heroes that aren't super. Brilliant. Plus, the absurdity of a foul mouthed, invincible 10 year old girl is no more absurd than a flying man in tights - plus it's way more interesting.

6. Cyrus is a serious movie that just happens to be very funny. Most awkward moment of the year is when Jonah Hill is playing John C. Reilly some techno music he crafter. Also, I <3 Marissa Tomei.  --------------------------->

7. Speaking of allegedly faked documentaries, Catfish was fresh as well. It's a much needed social commentary on the Facebook age and takes you from wondering what is happening, to disbelief, to being creeped out, all the way to sadness. 

7. Oh, Facebook, what did we ever do with out you. I love watching the rich white rowing guys getting worked in the Social Network. The movie proves that Jesse Eisenberg is a great talent. He really pulls it off; his Jewish look and neurotic tendencies make him a far more diverse version of Woody Allen -- hopefully he doesn't have an adopted daughter to marry.

8. For years, Ben Affleck has made me want to kill myself. I'm not sure why. I just never liked him. But beginning with Gone, Baby, Gone--in which his brother Casey does his best Sam Spade impression while traveling the under world and getting beat up--he proved he is a good filmmaker. I thought it would be a fluke, but The Town is another classic Noir, spiraling out of control, subsequently summing itself up neatly.

9. A lot of people didn't like it. "Shutter Island? Oh, I figured it out in ten minutes." Why are you trying to outsmart Marty? Eh? Don't try to figure it, just sit back and allow him to run you for a couple hours and enjoy.

10. Lastly, an exercise in humility, was the documentary Restrepo. Being in America, we never know what is happening in the Middle East, nor do we know what having a war on our street is like-- this is the closest we will come. It's scary and humbling and I am sorry to end this on a serious note.

Let me know if I forgot anything or you want to crap on my picks. I don't care as long as you aren't Mike. He doesn't count because the only thing he's watched this year is Dinner for Schmucks and Home Movies.

Monday should be stricken from the calendar; or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bald.

If you are reading this please keep stopping back. I swear that I will soon become more positive. Most of this stuff is cynical, but today it is really just because it's Monday. And I like being miserable. I was just told that it's a sign of aging.

I began coping with the aging process young. I have been bald since I was 19 so I have a right to hate everything and show my hate by complaining: I haven't run my fingers through my hair in over a decade for chrissakes.

Anyhoo... This morning I realized I was wearing a dork sweater with a dress shirt under it, a cap and a scarf. In my hand was a thermos of coffee and a lunch bag which included my main course of, wait for it, stew. I was on my way to a place I can't stand to do something that doesn't interest me. Oh, and I was listening to NPR on the way there. I am simultaneously a cliche and the father from Gremlins.

When did this happen? Anyone else out there feeling me? Any advice? Is it time to buy a red corvette?

I find my situation very similar to the existential plight of these lonely sun glasses that have been sitting on this window sill for months.

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the flannel epidemic

This is my friend John. He has a problem and needs our help. See that hipster behind him? He is the problem. John has been representing the strange-bearded, odd-colored flannel look for many moons.(Moons is my fancy way of saying years).

Many of you may be aware that it has become hip to wear flannel. I imagine, along with tight jeans and the resurgence of fish sticks that kanye west had something to do with it, but I cannot prove it... yet. So, the issue is that john can no longer wear flannel without looking like the guy behind him.

If you have a friend who recently started wearing flannel, please have an intervention. And if that doesn't work, bust into their bedrooms and burn their flannel shirts. If not for the sake of fashion, do it for john because the only shirts he owns are flannel and plain white tees. He can't wear the flannel because he doesn't want to look like a hipster and he can't wear the white tees because he always spills stuff on them. Thank you in advance for your help.

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Crack Friday: The Ultimate Hallmark Holiday

I’d rather spend the extra money to avoid being grouped with these people. Perhaps that’s why I can never get ahead (because I’m not saving money on black Friday)—but I’d rather be behind than in that line. You can’t even leave the house and it’s unfair to us normal people that have off on that Friday. We have a natural fear of being trampled or manhandled by some old woman wielding a purse, or worse, a woman from Clarence with a pocket full of credit cards swinging her high heels searching for that last cheap net book. 

It's become a tradition to get up at 4AM stand in a long line and shop all day. Or worse, get to Target the night before and camp out. Put that into perspective. These stores, with all of their power and commercials and sales have turned half of the culture into Trekkies.

Get rolled on by people who are smarter than you. These marketing execs know what they are doing and believe me, in the long run we are all losing. You are spending more than you would have in the first place because you saved sooooo much. You think that Best Buy is you best friend because they gave such great deal, so you keep going back and giving them your business all year. They know the deal and get worked. When the sheep walk out smiling, they are counting their dough.

Catch me on the couch on crack Friday, then subsequently, enjoying Thanksgiving part 2 at the in-laws. Hey, don't even get me started on the irony that we celebrate the atomic elbow white people dropped on the Native American's... then the day directly after we all bask in the capitalistic wet dream we have created. What a mess.

Da Byrds

Creepy scene outside of my mothers which featured an obscene amount of screeching birds. Seemed like some territorial beef. I heard it was over a scuff on a pair of sneakers.

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F.B.

I have gone to Sabres games for years and sustained myself on swill, plugging my nose (while it was pointing upwards) and drinking Labbatt Blue. But those days are over. Near section 318, there is a Flying Bison cart. Yeah, a Flying Bison cart ---------------------------->

The Sabres lost. Downie is bush league--it was like the return of Matthew Barnaby, without him being on our team. The officiating was a joke. But they had Flying Bison at section 318. Ryan Stewart totally knew the fastest rout to get there and I will show others the fastest rout when I go to games as this is just as important as...Christmas to our culture. Spread the word. Before you know it, there may be two Flying Bison stands and we can all rejoice and not walk so far if you are on the other side of the building. I'd rather be fat and lazy and have a cart near wherever I am sitting, although, as the attendant at the cart put it, "You're better off taking the walk, you can work the beer off."